On being Known
The value and importance of community has been on my heart for a while now. I think it was cemented when the pandemic started but quite honestly it started long before then.
I’ve heard before that everyone comes into the world looking for someone looking for them. I can’t remember who said it first, but those words have stuck with me. All of us entered the world helpless and in need of someone to meet our needs. Our physical needs had to be met by a parent or caretaker in the most practical sense. You can see it later in young children when they spot their parents after a full day at day-care or school - their eyes grow really wide as they make eye contact with their parents and run over to meet them. They were looking for someone who was looking for them.
As we all grow up, we are still on the hunt for someone seeking us out, choosing us. That’s why I think singleness can feel so jarring for people sometimes, you want someone to pick you. But, I think this lends itself to an exploration of something deeper. As we grow and mature we also come to recognize another key component that we need in life. We not only want to be seen and chosen, we also want most desperately to be known and to be loved. We want these things from a young age too, but I think as we age and our brain develops we start to put language around these needs.
To be known and not loved, that’s rejection. To be loved and not known, that’s lending itself to people pleasing and hiding. To not be loved and not be known, that is incredibly isolating and lonely. To be loved and known, that is the picture of true intimacy and that is what we all crave. It’s what we were made for. What’s both encouraging and challenging is we already have this level of intimacy readily available - because of Jesus, we get to be both fully known and loved by the one who created us and delights in us. A relationship with God is the most intimate relationship we can have. That is the biggest blessing because no matter if you never have a single other relationship on earth, your life is complete when in relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
My sweet sisterhood in California
However, we are physical beings and on an even deeper note, what if you don’t know the Lord, then what? As the church, our primary mission after loving God, is to seek out our neighbors and love them too. We get to be the tangible eyes, hearts, arms and love of Jesus all over the earth. It’s not that he couldn’t do it without us, but he decided to partner with us - HOW COOL IS THAT! So our friends that don’t know the Lord yet, we get to be the walking embodiment of the love of God to those friends.
Secondly, what else is truly remarkable is God didn’t have to create a community of people, but because relationships are the core of who He is, God designed us to live in communion with the people around us. We get the privilege to do life with the people around us and that makes this life, for all its messy bits, that much sweeter. Have you ever noticed when disaster strikes an area, people gravitate towards other people. For as independent as we all are, when stuff hits the fan, the first thing we do is run to other people. Recently, there was an earthquake in Syria. The videos of rescuers banding together to pull adults and children from the rubble is so moving. As they celebrate with each rescued life, it brings tears to the eyes of every viewer.
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing...””
All of this is to say that community really matters. There’s a verse in Psalms that promises God sets the lonely in families (Psalms 68:4-6). We are told we won’t be left alone. In the most practical sense of the word, we all have an invitation into the family of God. Any one of us who feels alone, left out, and friendless – we have direct access to the Holy Spirit first and foremost, then we get to be part of the community of believers on earth. And, we get to live out our lives from a place of being known and already loved.
So my challenge is to be open to people around you. It takes time to build and trust the people around you, but in my experience, it’s always been 100% worth it. I’ve gotten in the habit of praying for and believing that God will provide at least one friend wherever I am – whether that’s moving cross-country or changing roles at my company. These people who started as strangers overtime became family, became the people I could call up when I was struggling, became the people who helped me move apartments, became my walking buddies during the pandemic & during lunch breaks, became my people. So always and forever, I will champion investing in real community time and time again — even when it’s hard. I hope you will, too!
xo, Cait
